Thoughs

These last couples of days have been crazy! I’ve done so many things, and at the same time I’ve don’t nothing at all. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like I’ve experienced, and done a lot of things I really wasn’t suppose- or needed to. And then the things I really needed to do, I haven’t.  I’ve really felt stressful lately. I have too many things to think about, I have to do certain things for my own and others sake, I spend every second of every day worried, and on top of it all, I still need to take care of my school, family and friends. Which really isn’t going that well either.

It’s terrifying how you can change your entire self perspective in just a few days. Everything you thought you stood for, you just went against. Something you promised yourself you would never do, you just did. You actually think you know yourself, until you finally one day proof the opposed and remind yourself that really nobody can be trusted. Not even yourself. I’ve once heard a proverb saying, that the only person a girl can really ever trust is her father. And I’m talking from experience, when I say that, that is not true!  Maby for some people, but unfortunately not for me.

If there’s one thing I hate, its doubt. I hate being wrong about people, and I hate doubting them. And most of all, I hate doubting myself. But just something as simple as one conversation, can make you doubt your entire perspective of a certain situation, or a certain person. That is one of the things I’ve felt most of the last cuples of weeks. Doubt. And understandably these last few weeks, haven’t really been my best. But life Is a rollercoaster. It goes up and down. And I guess you just have to deal with it when it goes down, and hope for it to go up again soon. Right now I just feel like my rollercoaster have been down an extremely long time. And sometimes I get scared doubting, if it ever is going to come up again. On one hand I’m thinking that I have to fight, and then it will work itself out. But on the other hand, I have no possible ideas how to fight. I see no way to affect the things I’m going through right now, and I have no ideas what to do. I’m just more confused than ever, and it makes me booth sad and furriers at the same time. When I look back at, not only the last few weeks, but the last half year, I can only hope for a brighter future.


- Amira

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